When've realized that jealousy has destroyed your relationship and you can readily identify specific behaviors of your partner that instigated your insecurity, you should talk your concerns over with your partner first. Understand that how you express such concerns could help improve the relatioship afterwards or harm it. Criticism doesn't help anyone.
Typical criticism in a relationship:
●You go out too much without me;
●You have everything and I've got nothing;
●I can't handle being alone all the time, and you don't give me enough time.
Severe criticism like this kind are very negative ways to deal with jealousy. Criticism won't work because when a partner feels criticized, you're questioning his or her way of dealing with things and constricting them. People who feel pushed around will leave because it’s the only choice left open to them. Try talking it through, using these phrases instead of being the above phrases:
●I miss you when you’re gone, but I’ll be here when you get back.
●You’re a wonderful perosn, and maybe we can be wonderful together.
●I have a little bit of problem that I need you to help me with. I’m not that good with being alone.
●I love you and am experiencing difficulty coping at the moment. Can you help me?
You express to your partner that none of this is his or her fault, such that you get a better response. A man who feels that he will return to a nagging woman because he has been out too long won’t actually look forward to going back to her. A man who feels that his woman is waiting for him and is thinking positive thoughts about him will be more likely to want to go back to her. However, if you do have psychological problems with being alone, then you need to discuss these without criticizing your partner and making it his or her fault. By enlisting your partner’s help, you may be able to come up with solutions that help you through the day.
Your partner can certainly help you with your insecurity in a positive manner. However, if approached in a negative manner, you may have killed the relationship instead. People tend to like to feel secure in the relationship that we form and if you make your partner feel inscure because if your feelings of jealousy, then you're alienating your partner and encouraging bad behaviors.
It is also vital that you are able to discuss your concerns and feelings without accusing your partner. If you start by lashing out accusations, your partner will automatically be on the offensive. Worse, you’ll end up in a jealousy-based relationship, which only creates chaos, and you wouldn’t want that. Imagine you think that yoru husband is having an affair but he really isn’t. You look in the pockets, you look for signs, and what your jealousy is doing is questioning who your lover is. That’s not a good way to keep a relationship alive. If you find yourself looking through his pockets or her handbag, then you need to stop immediately and realize that the problem isn’t your partner’s. It is yours, and the only way forward is to deal with it.
The thing that you need to remember is that women are made up of emotions. Men, however, are made in a different way. If you are a woman and have jealousy issues and consider them as being your insecurities rather than his, he will do what he can to protect you. If you are a man and you have jealousy on your mind, you will drive your woman away if you try and voice this in a way that makes her feel like she isn’t doing enough to keep the relationship together. Either way, personal criticism doesn’t help anyone-least of all you.
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