Jealousy eats into your relationship because it causes you to question it. Any time you have doubts, just talk about them and do so in a manner that holds no accusations. You shall just open up and let your feelings be expressed in a calm way. The problem with people who are jealous is that they're looking to read between the lines. Actually there won't anything between the lines to read, but they will look for the bad in any situation because that's what jeaous people usually do. Communicate with your partner about your fears and your partner will be able to give you the extra support that you need until you gain sufficient self-confidence to get beyond jealousy. To see how jealousy eats a relaitonship and what is really good communication about issues in a relationship, different conversations between couples are presented and analyzed hereby in this passage.
Conversation in bed:
Man: Do you like oral sex?
Woman: I am not sure. I haven’t experienced it.
Man: Do you want to experience it?
Woman: We can try.
Man: How about we agree if both of us don’t enjoy it, we don't do it again.
Woman: That sounds fair to me.
Now what could be going on in their minds could be varied. He thinks she hasn’t had oral sex, so it kind of makes him feel special. She, on the other hand, thinks he’s had loads of oral sex and will compare her performance with others. This insecurity will get in the way of great sex. The way to get around this is for the woman to be frank with her man. “Tell me what you would like me to do.” This lets him know she cares enough for him to do whatever he wishes. He can then guide her to hitting the right spot. What will turn him off completely is if she starts asking questions about how good previous lovers were, as this should really be something that’s past and gone and never to be brought up. In fact, it’s a real turn off to talk about things like that.
Couples can work toward a wonderful love life if they discuss everything as it’s happening rather than harping on about past relationships. Real passion killers are such phrases as:
“I bet your past lovers were better than me.”
“How do I measure up to him?"
“Am I as good as she was in bed?”
“Did he have a bigger penis than I do?”
“Did she have better breasts than me?”
Come on people, you are grown up human beings. Questioning relationships that are finished and gone is stupid.It's something that's a real turn off and happens to show your insecurity. That’s worse than being naked, believe me. If you really want to make your relationship work, concentrate on now and stop judging past events. Life doesn’t or shouldn’t revolve around those past events. It should be about what you feel for each other. You put your relationship at a very unfair disadvantage if you bare your inadequacies and use them as a weapon against the person you are supposed to love. Stop it.
Instead of asking questions like that, ask these:
“I am so lucky to have someone like you. What do you see in me?”
“I want to share the rest of my life with you. Think we can manage that?”
“You make me feel special. Thank you.”
“I have never felt so in love before in my life.”
These are positive statements that reinforce the value of your relationship and are made for all the right reasons. Leave jealousy outside of the house when you come home because you have something really special. You have a chance to make your relationship the best relationship you ever had in your life and one that lasts. Often, the last lesson that one learns from the past is about the effect of jealousy and how it eats away at a relationship and makes love die. It really does, and if you want to have any chance at happiness, you will switch off jealousy and start to see the relationship’s full potential.
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