Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.It is a very important quality in people's personality especially in a relationship or marriage life. Forgiveness is the antidote to resentment which can destroy relationships and personal well-being.Hereby, two marriage examples are presented for explaination on how forgiveness functions in a marriage.
Ghost of Mother - Billy & Kimberly
Billy had a mother who would yell at him all the time for anything. He felt that he could never do anything right, and he dreaded hearing his mother scream at him. Billy carried a great deal of resentment and anxiety into his adult life because of his mother, who had passed away prior to him getting married. Billy's wife Kimberly grew up in a loud, boisterous household. People used a loud tone in most normal conversations. Anytime Billy and Kimberly would have any type of argument, Kimberly would get loud, and Billy would get extremely upset.
Let Go of - Sasha & Damon
Many years ago, when Sasha and Damon were engaged, they had an argument and called off their wedding. Later they reconciled their differences and got married. However, when they were broken up, Damon dated another woman, and ended up fathering a baby girl with her. Even though Damon and the other woman ended their relationship, Damon took his fathering responsibilities serious. When Sasha and Damon eventually reconciled and got married, Sasha told Damon that she was "over their past breakup". However, anytime Damon's daughter would be at their house, Sasha would behave poorly to both Damon and his daughter.
Secret 8: forgiveness is the antidote to resentment, it can destroy relationships and personal well-being.
Forgiveness is difficult, especially when people are resentful to you. Sometimes we are mad at our spouse, and other times we are resentful towards someone else, but we take it out on our spouse. Without forgiveness, it is extremely difficult to resolve conflict. If you can't resolve conflict,then your relationship is in peril.
There is a health and well-being issue at stake as well. Expert psychologists have completed research that indicates that an inability to forgive can lead to future relationship bitterness,depression,anxiety and the inability to connect with others.Try the measures below to to learn forgiveness.
• Let go of the anger and make an active decision to forgive. Don't hold onto things.
• Empathize with your spouse, and understand how they feel.
• Stop building a list of past grievances. There is no need to catalog a list of every failure since we know that no person is perfect. Would you want a past list of ever grievance you caused other people?
• Be less critical, and more kidn and compassionate. Don't have unreasonable expectations of other people.
• Be aware of your own past and issues with intimacy. Your inability to forgive your spouse may actually reside with your inability to forgive someone who has harmed you in the past. If you are having a hard time identifying why you can't forgive, see the next bullet point.
• Seek counselling if you have a difficult time forgiving. Counselors may be able to get to a deeper issue that is preventing you from forgetting.
•Another important factor with forgiveness is the ability to forgive yourself when you have done something wrong. For some people, it is easier to forgive others rather than forgive themselves. Just as you have to be compassionate when forgiving a spouse or partner, you have to exercise self-compassion.
Forgiveness usually needs time to happen and it could take hours or it could take decades depending unpon the hurt caused. It will take a while to also relearn how to trust. Trust must be earned, not freely given-especially if it is trust that has been shattered or shaken.
Forgiveness can increase satisfaction in relationships and decrease the chances of the same issue happening again.
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