Did you ever had the experience of being hurt by things said by people you care about? If you've ever had such experience, maybe your first reactions is to respond with something equally hurtful. If you've ever got the experience, will you accept what they have said and apologize? If you're like most people, neither of these options seems very satisfying.
Negative problems may be amplified
It is common that negative problems may be amplified by the stress and resentment people feel when their feelings have been hurt especially when they're in a relationship. People tend to be easily hurt by people surrounding them. The more hurt feeling you get, the more reflections you'll made by yourself. You can reflect is there really anything you can do when your spouse says something you don't like. Can you really improve the situation?
The best way to stop having your feelings hurt is by not taking things personally. To say is one thing, to do is another. Anything worth doing takes practice. Don't take things personally may be hard at the beginning,but it will become easier when you understand that. No matter what others say, remember it's not really about you even in conflict.
It isn't about you.
To fully understand that it actually isn't about you, you'd better know that there are only two reasons why people say as they do. The first reason is a desire to meet their needs. The second reason is in support of experiencing something they value. Once you understand the two reasons here, it will be much easier for you to learn how not to take things personally.
Normally it's very easy for you to get offended when you think someone is trying to hurt you. If you realize that what's going on actually has nothing to go with you and everything to do with them. Then you can take a step back and think before you react.
For example, when you get a big promotion at work, your first reaction is to make a call to your spouse to share the good news.What may make you disappointed is that instead of offering congratulations, they may respond by saying, "You often don't have the work ethic to put in so many hours, then I hope you don't get fired." Hearing such reaction, the instant reaction is to feel hurt first. Then you may feel the desire to defend your work ethic.If you do as you desired, you'll only make the situation worse. You shouldn't take any reactions accordingly.You may react quite differently if you know your spouse had recently been passed over for a promotion they had expected. Or what if you found out that the problem was actually that your spouse was very worried that you wouldn't have any time to spend with them due to your new position and new responsibilities.
If you start to explore all options, you may dig out various reasons supporting others' comments on you. But please remember, none of these reasons have anything to do with you.
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