Anytime when you have conflicts within a relationship, will you choose to negotiate or compromise? Do you know the difference between negotiation and compromise. Will you take everyone's needs into consideration? Compared with compromise, negotiation is a better way to confront with different opinions within a marriage. Negotiation is only possible when you have an explorer's mindset. It begins by identifying what everyone values and what's missing for them in the situation. If you concentrate on values, you can come to strategies making it possible for everyone to be satisfied, without any need for compromising.The following steps can be referred to be taken to make all people satisfied.
Step #1: maintain your explorer's focus
You need to concentrate on discovering what is really most important to you and your spouse - what each of you really value in this situation. Insist on this direction just as Edison kept doing so much experiments until he invented his bulbs.
Step #2: create actions steps
After you've found out what you and your partner really value, you need to come up with specific actions you each can take to help you each experience your values. You need to offer your opinion about what you want to see happen and the steps you need to take to get that state.
Step #3: review your strategies
Since you've already confirmed your values and have carry out your strategies. After carrying them for a short period of time, you need to review your strategies to check whether they're completely agreeable for both of you. Also you need to check if there's anything missing in your plans. You should keep in mind to be committed to find strategies that will be mutually satisfying and continue exploring strategies more suitable for both of you.
Step #4:make agreements about the plan of actions
Plans should be as specific as possible. But if you don't make an agreement specific plans will never come into specific results. Therefore, make sure that the aggreements should be as specific as about who will do what and when will they do it. Make sure all the agreements shall work for both of you.
Step #5:build in accountability
You need to build accountability into your agreements. For example, you can set up specific dates and times for follow-up meetings and you can keep them. You'll discuss how your agreements are working and which kinds of strategeis might be missing. Sometimes you can't know what you really want until you get it. By setting an accountability meeting, you can present an opportunity to practive being an explorer and negotiating outcomes which everyone will be satisfied with.
In the process of carrying out the steps as above, you need to realize that developing an explorer's mindset and mastering the skill of negotiation doesn't happen overnight simply. You not only need to commit to the process, but also need to practice it. The more you practice the steps, the better self you'll become and the sooner you'll win and experience personal power. Finally, arguments, anger and resentment in your relationships will gradually melt away.
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