What Shall You Learn to Deal with In-law Relationships?

Author Gary D. Chapman From Things I wish I’d known before we got married 6 years ago 10325

Even though there maybe too many problems to deal with in a in-law relationship. There are still something you can learn to deal with them properly and effectively. Hereby, this passage provides several suggestions on dealing with in-law relationship. You're suggested to learn to listen, learn to negotiate and learn their love language.


Learn to listen

With your stepping into marriage, you'll discover that your in-laws are individuals who have unique thoughts, feelings and desires and their thoughts, feelings and desires may differ from your own thoughts, feelings and desires. You can start to build a positive relationship with your in-laws by learning to listen empathetically. Empathetic listening means to listen with a view to understand what your in-laws think and how they came to that conclusion and how strongly they feel about it. Empathetic listening does not require you to agree with the other person's ideas but it does require you to treat them and their ideas with respect. If you respect their ideas and speak to them with kindness, they are far more likely to respect your ideas and treat you kindly. Mutual understanding and mutual respect grows out of empathetic listening.


You can speak for yourself when communicate with in-laws. Instead of saying, “you hurt my feelings when you said that,” you might say, “I felt hurt when I heard you say that.” When you start your sentence with “I,”you are giving your perspective. When you begin your sentence with “you,” you are placing blame and will likely experience a defensive response from your in-laws.


Learn to negotiate

Another method to learn to have a good relationship with your in-laws is to learn to negotiate differences. Negotiation begins by someone making a proposal. Negotiation is only enhanced when you make requests and not demands.For example, Jeremy said to his wife's parents, "I know that you would like for us to be here for Christmas Day and celebrate with the family. My parents of course have the same desire. As you're 500 miles apart and we know that we cannot be at both places on the same day.I'm wondering about alternating between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We could be with you guys this Christmas and with my folks on Thanksgiving. Then next year we would reverse the order. I'm just trying to find something that will work for both families." In this situation, Jeremy has made a proposal. Then his in-laws have the opportunity to accept the proposal or to modify the proposal or to make a different proposal of their own. It's the process of listening and respecting each other's ideas that allows the process of negotiation to go forward. Finally, you reach a solution that everyone can agree with and the relationship with your in-laws is strengthened.


Learn their love language

Learning the love language of your in-laws and speak that language regularly is also a very beneficial way for you to maintain a good and positive in-law relationships. When your in-laws feel genuinely loved, it creates a positive climate inwhich to negotiate differences. You can learn what the love language of your in-laws is by reading some relevant books. Nothing communicates love more deeply than speaking the right love language. Also, you can share your love languages with them. When families effectively communicate love, they create positive in-law relationships.


Whether it's about listening, negotiating or learning love language, the first priority you'd better prepared is that you should hold a positive attitude towards in-law relationships and improve your communication skills with others.Any kind of relationships, including in-law relationships need time to maintain and managed. If you are wise enough to get the three tips as above, you'll certainly be good at dealing with your in-law relationships.


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