Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of contemporary marriages. In earlier generations where the husband was the provider and the wife the homemaker, there was little confusion about who would do what. However, in today's world where most young wives have their own careers, they expect their husbands to be majorly involved in household duties. If the two of you do not discuss and agree upon who will do what, you'll find those will become a major source of conflict in the early months of marriage.
When it comes to marital roles, there are several factors coming into play. First, the two of you grew up with different models. One young wife said, "My father always vacuumed the floors every Saturday morning before he washed the car. Now my husband expects me to vacuum the floors and he wants me to run the car through the automatic car wash. I can't believe I married such a lazy man." However her husband said, "My mother vacuumed the floors. It never crossed my mind that my wife would ever expect me to do that. And as for the car, it’s a matter of efficiency. Why should I spend two hours washing the car every Saturday when I can run it through a car wash in three minutes for $3? In my family, we never washed a car. Every three months, we would pay $ 12 and get a thorough washing. I don't know why this is such a big deal to her.”The couple have different expectations towards each other because they have different models in their growing up family before marriage.
One of the learning exercises two people in a relationship shall do before marriage is to have the woman make a list of all the things her father did around the house and all the responsibilities that her mother accepted. And the young man shall do the same. Once the lists are made, similarity and differences of their parental models shall be compared. Then the couple shall have a lenthy discussion on how they expect their own marriage to be similar and different fromt heir parental models.
Ignoring or denying of any influence of parental models on your own expectations is a sign of immaturity while a mature couple will openly and honestly share their own expectations. Moreover, they will have negotiation on an agreement about marital roles before marriage even though they have differences of opinion.
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