Hereby what's discussed in this passage is how to get her head in the game, then comes to foreplay, orgasm, and more! Maybe many people still don't undentand about female libido, and it goes like this: if her head isn't in the game, her body won't follow. If she is distracted by anything, then it's difficult to get aroused. This condition is totally opposite to men, whose bodies often react to visual stimuli even if they are distracted and don't want to think about sex. Most women need to decide to react while men react nearly automatically.Women certainly can heat up, men can't do it completely for them as women control the switch. We’re the ones who need to decide to participate, and that's not always easy.
Consider this scenario：
She walks into the bedroom to find her husband giving her that “Y’wanna?” look. She smiles and begins to undress while he looks on appreciatively. She climbs into bed and they start kissing. And then suddenly, out of nowhere, she pushes him away and says：
“Do you think Michelle should drop piano? She just isn't enjoying it and it's costing us $20 a week in lessons, and a whole Tuesday night. We could take that money and go to a movie as a family and spend quality time together instead!”
What just happened? Did she decide she really didn’t want to have sex? Chances are her husband was pretty ticked, because he thought the evening was going in a certain direction, and now she's erected a big, “Detour” sign.
A woman can’t really get into making love if she has a lot of unprocessed thoughts in my head, because they end up bouncing around in there, like a huge pinball game. And my body doesn't suddenly spring into action the way my husband's does. I have to get myself in the mood, anticipate what we're doing, and concentrate if it's going to feel good. Like most women, sex for me is mostly in my head.
And if there’s too much other stuff rolling around in my head, my body won't be able to get in the game. Part of women getting ready for the big event, then, is to empty their heads of all the stuff that’s rattling around in there. When she can get that out, she can let other stuff in.
There’s another element to this urge to talk, too. As we’ve talked about before, men make love to feel loved, while women need to feel loved to make love. For men, making love is a way of checking in on the relationship, and making sure that everything is good. When they make love with their wives, they feel as if their wives accept them and want to be with them.
Women, though, need to feel that acceptance first, and part of that is feeling as if our men understand our hearts. That’s why conversation is key to a woman's libido. She needs to feel as if she’s understood, but she also needs to feel as if all the details in her head that are bouncing around about her to-do list tomorrow, and her worries about the kids, are out in the open so that she isn't distracted.
Since getting head in the game is so important, if you want sex to be great, TALK. Talk earlier in the evening so that she feels loved, and also so that she has a chance to process all the things that are in her head. And women, if you have a lot of “logistic” type worries-like how am I going to manage my time and get everything done?- discuss these with your husband, too, because he may be able to figure out some things you can say no to, or some other strategy of dealing with everything. Guys, undentand that your wife's urge to talk is not a rejection of you or a rejection of sex; it's her way of getting her mind in gear and emptied out of all her concerns so that she can actually concentrate and enjoy sex.
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