Morning person VS. Night person

Author Gary D. Chapman From Things I wish I’d known before we got married 6 years ago 9959

Before we got married Karolyn had visions of what the two of us would do between 10 p.m. and midnight. Her visions included reading and discussing books, watching movies together, playing intellectually stimulating games, and discussing the deeper issues of life. What she did not know was that my physical, emotional, and intellectual motor shut down at 10 p.m. The possibility of my carrying on an intelligent conversation was greatly diminished after that hour. It is true that while we were dating, I stayed alive and engaged with her until midnight. But I was pushed along by euphoric feelings of “being in love.” The excitement of being with her and doing things together kept the adrenalin flowing, and she had no idea that this would not continue after we were married.


Neither of us knew before marriage that there are “morning persons” and there are “night persons.” Morning persons awake with the enthusiasm of a kangaroo, springing to face the day with excitement, while the night person hides under the covers and thinks, “They must be playing a game — no one can be that excited in the morning.” Night persons have their “prime time” from 10 p.m. until ... That’s when they enjoy reading, painting, playing games, doing anything that demands a lot of energy, while the morning person is quickly fading at that hour.


This personality difference may have a profound impact upon the couple’s sexual relationship. The morning person wants to go to bed at ten, cuddle, and make love, while the night person is saying, "You have got to be kidding. I can’t go to bed this early.” The morning person may feel rejected, while the night person feels like they are being controlled. This may well lead to arguments and frustration. Is there hope for this couple?


Certainly, if they choose to respect their differences and negotiate a solution. For example, the night person may agree to have sex at 10 p.m. if the morning person will allow them to leave the bedroom after love-making and pursue their other interests until midnight. However, if the morning person insists that the night person remain in bed after making love, that person may feel manipulated, controlled, and frustrated. A morning person will never become a night person, and a night person will never become a morning person. Its a part of our personality. With effort, we can push ourselves to be functional in those early or late hours that are not prime time for us. But it will never come without effort.

A morning person will never become a night person, and a night person will never become a morning person.


If Karolyn and I had known that I was a morning person and she was a night person, and if we had used our dating time to discuss this personality difference, we would have saved ourselves a lot of emotional pain. I would not have felt rejectedbecause she was not having breakfast with me, and she would not have felt controlled by my insisting that she go to bed at 10 p.m. Yes, I wish we had known that personality differences profoundly influence behavior.


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