Three Ways to Solve Disagreements without Arguing

Author Gary D. Chapman From Things I wish I’d known before we got married 6 years ago 9845

As disagreements and conflicts are unavoidable in our daily life, we should learn to solve them without arguing, to reduce quarrels or any bad behaviors in marriage.We've mentioned earlier that accepting conflicts and listening is of great importance before we come to any compromise to any arguments or conflicts we encounter in a relationship. Based on compromise, three measures as below can be suggested to tolve disagreements without arguing.


"Meeting in the Middle"

If you are arguing about how to spend a holiday. For example, you want to have a vacation while your wife wants to reunion with both of your parents. Having vacation may cost you more but it will certainly help you relax while reunion with both of your parents will bring much happiness and sharing time. When you both sit down to discuss whether your financial status is good enough to support you a good vacation or not and then tick out what really matters to you more. and then you make a final decision together with some kind of compromise from both of you, then you are just "meeting in the middle".Two individuals choose to be friends and are always willing to make sacrifice will find this solution very feasible.


"Meeting on Your Side"

A second way to resolve conflicts is what I call “meeting on your side.” This means that after you hear each other's ideas and feelings, one of you decides that on this occasion, it is best to do what the other has in mind. This is a total sacrifice of your original idea, choosing rather to do what your spouse desires and to do it with a positive attitude. You are choosing to do what they desire as an act of love because you care about them and you see how important it is to them. One husband said, “I agreed to have a baby after she explained to me that she was getting near the end of her fertility cycle. When I saw her heart, I didn’t want to take the chance of disappointing her. We had always agreed that we wanted to have children. I just thought it wasn’t the right time. I wanted to wait until we had a better financial base. But as I listened to her and saw how important it was to her, I agreed that even though I had some fears, I thought we should go ahead and try to have a baby now. We did and I have never regretted that decision." Sometimes the decision to agree with the other person’s idea will involve great sacrifice. However, love always involves some sacrifice.


"Meeting Later"

A third way of resolving a conflict is “meeting later”. This approach simply means as it implies in the level of word meaning.Decisions or solutions may not be available right now but shall be discussed again in a week or month.Meanwhile, the both still love each other, enjoy each other and support each other.

This will not be a disruptive factor in your marriage. This is a perfectly legitimate response to a conflict when, at the moment, you cannot find a long-term solution. A month from now, things may look different or new possibilities may come to mind so that you can find a compromise with which both of you will feel good. In some areas of life, “meeting later” can be a permanent solution, especially in areas where there is no “right” or “wrong” answer, whether it is squeezing the tooth-paste tube, loading the dishwasher, or personal tastes in entertainment.

In one of these three ways introduced above, you can resolve your conflicts without arguments. The priority is of course creating a friendly atmosphere by listening to each other and affirming each other’s perspective rather than accusing each other of illogical thinking. When we learn to affirm each other’s ideas and look for solutions, we can process the normal conflicts in a marriage relationship and learn to work together as a team, and then you'll certainly achieve win-win results.


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