Sexy lovers take the time to develop the sensual, romantic part of their minds personalities. Every person has an exciting romantic side, but few take the time and energy to unleash their passionate capacities. Mates can be surprised at how talented and creative they are in planning sexy surprises for each other—yes, even husbands, who can be more “Romantically challenged.” They easily come up with exciting, unique ideas as they focus on the importance of sensuality and setting a mood—anticipation builds, and fresh attitudes pervade the whole sexual scene.
Time Out: How would you define romantic? Creating moods, being sexy, mysterious, spontaneous, passionate, sentimental? Many wives and husbands wish their spouses would be more romantic.
Make a brief list of behaviors that you consider romantic and do one or two this week.
Couples always enjoy letting their romantic side out. This may include surprise gifts, foot and leg massages, verbal demonstrativeness, mutual showers, or dinners with candlelight and soft glances. Of course, romantic lovemaking doesn't always involve completely new techniques and experiences. There are certain positions, ways of caressing, places, rhythms, restaurants, moods, and vocabulary that remain enjoyable favorites.
Being creatively romantic is such an important quality to incorporate. Why then do you think it is so easy to fall into ruts and forget to employ this character trait for a great sex life? Here are a few barriers to healthy romance, and possible ways to break them down：
1.Problem: too busy; a modern plague demonstrated by an inability to say no and scale down as priorities are constantly violated.
Solution: create date nights and time together
2.Problem: no plan
Solution： mobilize willpower and create goals while structuring a varied, exciting sex life; plan optimal times for dates and intimacy
3.Problem： inhibitions and ignorance; a lack of time and energy invested in changing attitudes and increasing sexual knowledge
Solution： read, go to workshops, talk, and attempt new behaviors; get some sex therapy
4.Problem： tension, conflict in the relationship with unre-solved traumas, hurt, and anger
Solution： learn to communicate and resolve conflict; get counseling
5.Problem： demands of child rearingon time and energy
Solution: structure set careful boundaries; create a baby-sitting network (see Chapter 19)
6.Problem: procrastination
Solution: start making love at 9:30 P.M.; enjoy quickies once in a while; turn off the television; ignore fatigue, and just do it.
Time Out: They are making a movie of your sex life.What would its title be? What type of movie? What about its length? Do this exercise twice: (1) the way your love life is presently, and (2) the way you would like it to be. You want to be a great, sexy lover? Become a creative romantic. You as an individual and couple breathe life and excitement into the material of this book with your imagination and relationship and character traits. Sexiness comes from your imaginative creativity and romantic inspirations that can be God-given—but they require the discipline (and time and energy) to carry them out.
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