Helping Her Reach the Big “O”

Author Sheila Wray Gregoire From 31 Days to Great Sex 6 years ago 9583

Many women do not experience orgasm during sex. In the surveys that I took for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, around 65% regularly orgasm during intercourse, but that leaves 35% who don't. And some of those 35% have never had an orgasm at all.

An orgasm is the height of sexual pleasure. While a man’s orgasm is rather obvious, a woman's is not quite as dramatic—though it feels even better, according to some researchers. Women tend to climax right after an exquisite tension when, if your husband stopped doing whatever he was doing, you’d likely burst out into tears. When women orgasm, waves pass over them. Their legs tend to stiffen up. Their head often goes from side to side. And their vaginal muscles contract. Plus it feels very good.

Most women find it easier to orgasm to their husbands touching them than they do during intercourse, because the stimulation is more direct (we'll talk about why this is tomorrow). But what do you do if you've never experienced an orgasm, or if they tend to be rather rare?

First, that's perfectly natural. Women are more likely to orgasm once they've been married for a few years, so if it takes a while for things to work, that's okay. Orgasm is the ultimate letting go; when you're still shy early in your marriage, that can be difficult. Don't worry about it. The more you worry about it, the less likely you are to get there.

Here are some tips to making it more likely:

Relax

To orgasm you really need to be swept away by the moment and the feeling. If there's something distracting you, it's hard to be swept away. And that's why if you're tense it's unlikely to happen.

The best thing thiat you can do is relax! Don't worry about it; it will happen one day once your body is used to pleasure.

Move

Don’t lie there, siting for it to come upon you. Remain an active participant as you make love Switch positions, even a little bit, so that it feels good. Tilt your body. Move on top sometimes. Take his hand and move it where you'd like to be stimulated, even during intercourse. The more that you take the initiative, the sexier you'll feel.

Concentrate on “Feeling Good”

Here's the most important tip: concentrate on “feeling good”, not on reaching orgasm. Make pleasure your goal. As you're making love, concentrate on the pleasure you're feeling. Ask yourself, “what feels good”, or “where do I want my husband to touch now?” That helps you zero in on anything arousing. And then slowly let it carry you away.

Just like they say in exercise class, don’t forget to breathe! Orgasm needs oxygen, and it’s easier to relax if you breathe.

Often we have a hard time relaxing, and we stop breathing, because we feel like we're oh-so-close. Believe me, breathing won't stop the orgasm. It will actually help you feel the pleasure more and the waves are more likely to start. If you tense up, waiting for that orgasm that feels so close, sometimes you start aiming for it too much and it becomes even more elusive.


Concentrate on pleasure first, and then on learning to relax, and

it's more likely to happen.

A Note to Him:

If you put too much pressure on your wife to orgasm, and feel like a failure if she doesn’t, then she’s less likely to want to make love if she thinks she may not reach climax. It’s great to want to pleasure her; to pressure her, though, can often backfire. Just take things slowly, laugh a lot, leave time to explore, and let things happen as they happen.

Now, if you’re consistently reaching climax before she does, please don’t leave her hanging. Make it a habit to help her afterwards, by stimulating her clitoris or anything else she finds pleasurable. If she's consistently frustrated, that will increase her tension about not being able to reach orgasm, and may make it more difficult to achieve this.


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