One of the most common rookie mistakes that guys make when it comes to sexual relationships is that they assume women like what they like and what women value in sex is identical to what they want.
Bad move.
If you are approaching women this way, you are doomed to fail. You have to understand that even though women want sex and in many cases, and often with the same intensity as men, there are limits as to how they express that desire. Moreover, they have to work with cultural barriers, societal barriers, physical barriers, so on and so forth. So even if it's true that the desire is there, the expression of that desire and what is acceptable and unacceptable is very different between men and women. Guys who ignore this fact are basically playing the sex game to lose. If you want to be more successful in not just attracting women sexually but also pleasing them sexually, you have to understand how females value sex.
The focus on trust and security.
There is no difference in sexual desire between men and women. The problem is the layers on top of that desire and how sexual attraction is expressed in what is deemed acceptable or unacceptable. Moreover, a very important difference is in motivation. Women value sex because they feel secure when they're with a man. This requires a lot of trust. Again, there's a huge amount of biological evolution involved in this. Women only produce one egg. That egg can lead to an offspring, and this is why the woman needs to protect that egg. That's her only investment. Guys, on the other hand, produce millions upon millions of sperm every single day. Guys really don't have that much of a vested interest in protecting their sperm because they know on an unconscious biological level that they can produce another batch of millions the next day and the day after that. Women, however, have only one bite at the apple once every month. Security, protection, reassurance, and related values are very important to women as far as sex is concerned. This is then reflected in the need for trust. Before you get women into bed, they're looking to trusting you first. Guys focus on availability. As long as the female is available, it's good to go. Of course, every guy is different. Different guys have different standards and different thresholds, but the underlying reality is the same. With women, it starts with trust, which is a reflection of a deep and profound need for security.
If you are going to invest all your time and energy into one asset, you need somebody to protect you and give you the level of comfort you need to make sure that asset grows. That asset, as far as women are concerned, is our children. Attitudes forged over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution are very hard to shake. There is a profound need on the part of women to focus on comfort as far as sex is concerned. The guy must be able to make them comfortable. Evolutionary speaking, a guy must have the physical means to provide for a family and make sure that their needs are met. Women don't like to be in charge. A lot of feminists would have a problem with this, but if we are just going to look the biological impact on modem psychology, we have to conclude that women don't like to be in charge. They are looking for alpha males. We had to look back tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of years ago and if the scientists are correct, human beings follow the same mating patterns as other mammals. What mating pattern is that? Winner takes all. When you look at most mammals, it's the alpha male - the aggressive dominant male - who gets the only chance and right to have sex with all the females in the group. When you look at prides and prides of lions, that's how it works. This impacted women’s psychology on a subconscious level and it persists today. It persists in one very simple form: Women don't like to be in charge sexually. They are always looking for signs and guys who are in charge, and they are attractive to that guy.
Romance, on its face, seems to have overturned a lot of these harsh biological realities. The whole focus on love seems to contradict the very basic male drive to spread sperm as far and wide as possible but in reality, the same factors are still in play. As you probably already know, hundreds of thousands of years of biology are very hard to reverse. In fact, modern human economy and modern human technology can really just be traced to maybe a few hundred years. We still have a long way to go if we want to reverse the biological cement that our destinies are imprinted in. Regardless, the role of romance and sex for women focuses on the need for trust, security, comfort, and not being in charge.
The role of the guy is to be emotionally intimate during sex. Your job is to not just follow your biological wiring and just do a quick in and out and get out of there. There has to be an emotional intimacy there and an emotional dance. In a way, this is kind of how human beings mirror the mating patterns of birds. Have you ever watched the Nature channel or Animal Planet and watched birds mate? They go through elaborate dances. They send all sorts of complicated signals to each other to signify receptivity. Once the male does the right dances, then the female allows him to mate with her. The same applies to human beings but instead of physical dances, which can also take place on the dance floor, we're talking primarily about emotional dances which you have to go through. These are emotional hoops that you need to jump through to send the right signals so that she can be ready physically. We're talking about looking into her eyes, holding her hands, whispering in her ear, touching her in the right places, caressing her, taking her to a secluded area and making her feel that she's the center of your world, making her feel comfortable, prized, and appreciated. The list is very long, but it all leads to one place. All these rituals have a central point. The central point is you need to express physical actions that build trust, security, comfort, and show to her, in no uncertain terms, that you are in charge. That’s all there is to it. These signals get her ready for the physical act of sex. If you don't go through all these hoops, she won't be ready.
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